Hey {{first_name}},
This week I nearly walked away from all of it.
For the last 7 months I've been building an app. 2,554 hours of work. Early mornings, late nights, weekends, the lot. It was the thing I've poured everything into, because I genuinely believe it can help you take back control of your gut.
And then it launched.
And it didn't go how I'd built it up in my head. Not even close.
Most people who downloaded it bounced before they'd even made it through the first few pages. The onboarding, the part I thought wasn't that important, was the part that lost them. They never got to the bit that actually helps.
I'm not going to dress that up. That one's on me and no one is to blame except me. Not on anyone who downloaded it, not on the people who gave it a shot. Me. I built those pages and they didn't do their job.
But knowing it was my fault didn't make it sting any less. Something I'd worked so hard on felt like it had gone nowhere and when something you've put your whole self into feels like it went nowhere, it doesn't feel like the app failed. It feels like you failed.
I actually filmed a video of me, sat there, saying I was done with social media and I just wanted to quit. I didn't post it, but I meant it in the moment.
But then I caught myself.
Because I'd felt this exact feeling before.
That heavy, sinking, what-is-even-the-point feeling. Wanting something so badly while it feels like it keeps drifting further away no matter what you do. That was the worst of my IBS. Years of it. Trying everything, doing everything right, and still feeling like the thing I wanted, just to feel normal, kept moving further out of reach.
And here's the thing those years gave me.
Not motivation. Motivation would've been long gone by Tuesday. Not even discipline. Discipline cracks when you feel this low.
What they gave me was proof.
Undeniable, lived-in proof that I can do hard things even when it feels pointless to carry on. Because I've already done it. I dragged myself out of the worst of my IBS when the goal felt impossibly far away, and I did it on the days I felt like absolute rubbish.
So this week, that didn't make me feel instantly better. I'll be honest, I've spent half of it working on the app and the other half in my feels, binge watching Breaking Bad and eating an unreasonable amount of cereal. But underneath it there was this quiet confidence that wouldn't leave. I've been here before. I got through it before. I can get through this too.
And that confidence is the only reason I kept my promise to myself to post every single day, which I haven't broken since October. I believe it's the thing that turns this loss into a win.
Here's what I really want you to take from this.
You have that exact same proof in you.
Whatever you've been through with your gut, the painful years, the cancelled plans, the nights you didn't sleep, the meals you were scared of, every bit of that is evidence that you can do hard things. You already have. You're still here. That's not nothing. That's the proof.
But this week also reminded me of what my enemy is.
My enemy is IBS. All the painful, isolating, life-shrinking stuff that comes with it and I plan to go after it with everything I've got. Right now that looks like going back in and building the best app I possibly can for you, and I'd love for you to be part of that.
If you've already downloaded it, thank you, genuinely, for giving it a shot and if you've got any feedback on how I can make it better, Id honestly love to hear it. Just hit reply. You telling me what didn't work for you is exactly how this becomes something that does.
I'd be truly honoured if something I built helped you take back control. Eating out without the fear. Travelling without the stress. That's the whole point of this.
The goal hasn't moved and as a very wise fish once said, just keep swimming.
This week's practical tip
Next time you're at your lowest and your brain is telling you to give up, don't reach for motivation and don't wait to feel ready. Instead, think of one hard thing you've already got through. Write it down if you can. Then read it back and remind yourself, "I've done hard before. I can do it again." That's not positive thinking. That's just fact.
See you next week.
Zak
link to the app if you're curious or would like to help me figure out how I can make it better (coming soon to Android, currently only on IOS): https://apps.apple.com/gb/app/olara/id6768568361