Hey {{first_name}},
2 years ago I was afraid to leave the house. Now this September I will be on a one way flight to South East Asia.
I talk a lot about reducing stress. Daily meditation, breathing exercises, the slow stuff that quietly does a lot of the heavy lifting for your gut. But there's one thing I've never written about that did so much for my IBS and it's also the thing nobody really wants to do.
Push yourself.
When my IBS was at its worst, almost everything felt scary. What if I got sick when I wasn't near a toilet. What if I went round to a friend's house and they fed me something that set me off. What if I went on a date and had to leave halfway through because my stomach decided to go nuts (that actually happened and it was so embarrassing).
All completely valid reasons to feel afraid. None of them irrational.
But here's what I noticed. The more I let those fears decide what I did, the bigger they got. I stopped going to friend's houses. I stopped going on dates. Eventually even the places that used to feel safe stopped feeling safe.
this is the picture of me and the view I had from the house I was too afraid to leave. You can see the impact of it in my very puffy and spotty face. Not fun at all.
The fear didn't shrink because I avoided it. It expanded into every corner of my life until there was nowhere left I actually felt okay.
That only started to change when I made one decision. I was going to step outside my comfort zone every single day. Just a tiny bit.
Not a leap. Not a run. Not "fix everything by Friday." Just one slightly uncomfortable thing.
Day one I saw how far I could walk away from the house. I managed 15 minutes. Day two it was 16. Day three it was 20. That was the whole plan.
Slowly, my brain started updating its files. Being 15 minutes from home didn't end in disaster. Being 20 minutes from home didn't end in disaster. Being an hour from home was actually fine.
The fear didn't disappear in some big dramatic moment. It just got quieter, week by week, as the evidence stacked up against it.
But whenever I did feel fear and wanted to stop what I was doing, I had built up weeks of evidence that I can push past my fear and deal with whatever happens.
So not only did I get better at pushing past my fear, but I also gained an undeniable amount of self confidence that helped push me even further.
Now I happily fly to other countries. I live away from home for months at a time, and in September I'm getting on a one way flight to South East Asia.
Am I still nervous? Honestly, yes. This trip is bringing some of those old fears back to the surface for exactly the same reasons. What if I get sick somewhere I don't know. What if the food catches me out. What if I'm hours from anywhere familiar.
But this time I know what to do with that fear. I've trained myself to keep showing up in spite of it, not wait for it to be gone first.
That's the bit I want you to take from this. You don't need to feel ready. You don't need the fear to disappear before you act. You just need to take one small step.
This week's practical tip
Pick one thing IBS has made you avoid. One thing only, and not the biggest one. Pick something small.
Then find the smallest possible version of that thing and do it this week.
If leaving the house scares you like it did me, try the short walk. If eating out scares you, go to a restaurant with some friends but bring food you know you can eat.
Just being in the restaurant, knowing that the food you're going to eat (even if its food you made) will help calm your body down and help disassociate eating out with a bad time (I’m days away from releasing an app that will massively help with eating out, genuinely so excited to share it with you).
The size doesn't matter. The repetition does. Your brain needs new evidence and the only way it ever gets that is when you give it some.
You can do this, you are stronger and more resilient than you know!
This week's mindset
You're not trying to outrun the fear. You're teaching your nervous system, slowly and consistently, that you can handle being uncomfortable. Every small step is a deposit in that account.
One small step. Not a jump. Not a run. Just one step.
See you next week.
Zak